Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
