soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Randomize
