He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
