I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
