I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
