My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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