When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
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Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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