Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
