and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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