I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
