I'm passing your future prison.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
