What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
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Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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