$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
