oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
