my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
