i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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