You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
