i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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