I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
