dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
