Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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