k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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