He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize