If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
