I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
