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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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