Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
