speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
