What a fucking waste of an outfit
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
