mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
