I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
