uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
