I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
