When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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