What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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