Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Green mimosas i think yes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize