all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
