you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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