I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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