Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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