i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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