I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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