What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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