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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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