then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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