if i can run in heels then i can drive
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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