I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
