When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
do herpes really smell.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
