How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
