good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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