I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
