I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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