Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
