i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
