Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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