btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
