Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
