so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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