just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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